February 2012
28 posts
February 27, 2012
I was on a piece of glass not quite as long as I am tall, lying in a slightly curled position in order to remain completely on the glass. I don’t know what was beyond the glass, but it felt cold and hungry. The glass itself was warm, as if it had some internal heat source, or were alive. It was so smooth as to be almost soft, and I couldn’t help but caress it, running my fingers slowly...
February 26, 2012
There was an avalanche warning today. I’ve never heard of an avalanche in this city, so I figured it was some kind of mixup. And I wasn’t the only one; practically the whole town was out, shopping and such. But this afternoon I was walking down the street drinking a cup of coffee when I heard this rumbling behind me. I turned around in time to see a massive pile of debris flowing...
February 25, 2012
We had known them for a long time, them and their dog. We’d always thought he was a unique dog, perhaps a bit odd, but we were all shocked to learn he was a small man in a dog suit. One day the three of them sat us down and explained the situation. Sparky broke character for the first and only time in order to explain that he was doing this willingly and enthusiastically. They didn’t...
February 24, 2012
There once was a family of clouds. They had been traveling the skies together for quite some time. They weren’t exactly sure who was the dad, who was the mom, which were the kids, and that sort of thing - clouds aren’t exactly known for their intelligence - but they were a family, and they loved each other in their way. They were the envy of the other clouds who passed their way, as...
February 23, 2012
One thing I would like never to care about again is the number of people who attend a particular event at a particular place and a particular time. The most meaningful, significant events in my life have tended to be in the company of very few other people - often as few as one. So why it should bother me that only 15 individuals gave of their hard-earned personal funds to go to a place I wanted...
February 22, 2012
The keys felt heavy in my hand. I’d been carrying them for so long - and I’d built them up so gradually, adding one here, a couple there over years, decades - that I’d never stopped and just held them, feeling the weight in my hand of all those ways into and out from all those places. But for a minute I felt the weight of those keys, and the doors they opened, and the lives...
February 21, 2012
I didn’t learn much from playing baseball, apart from the basic workings of the game - which is admittedly valuable for an American male to understand - and my first lessons in the cruelty of children to each other. But I never had any life-altering moments out there on the field (a few nearly face-altering moments, but never mind about that), or gleaned any important insights using baseball...
February 20, 2012
Remember that day we ditched school and walked all over because we didn’t have anywhere to go and if we showed up early at home we’d be in trouble? We decided to talk to every dog and cat we saw, and we saw a lot of dogs and cats. The dogs’ owners probably thought we were crazy, but not as crazy as we wanted them to think we were. We’d run up to them and say “hey dog,...
February 19, 2012
All we want is to be in a state of equal caring with those around us. If there is someone about whom we care a great deal, we want them to care a great deal about us. If there is someone for whom we don’t spare a second thought, we would just as soon they not spare one for us. The trouble arises when these levels of caring are imbalanced: someone we care about is barely aware we exist, or...
February 18, 2011
It’s always embarrassing when my friends come over and my cat is drunk. Usually I try and laugh it off (“Wow, way to stick the landing, Missy!”), but I think at a certain point everybody knows what’s going on, and probably blames me. And to some extent, they might be right. I mean, if someone really wants to drink, even - maybe especially - if they’re a cat,...
February 17, 2012
You have to wonder. You just can’t help but wonder, but to be a little bit curious, to want to know if this is being seen by anyone, if it’s being absorbed or received in any way. It’s like you’re painting a mural in the middle of the night, in a strange part of town. The next day as the world goes about its business you’ll be far away, with no idea if your mural is...
February 16, 2012
Taco night was always popular. I tried to keep it a secret - often not acknowledging even to myself that it was taco night until I’d started cooking up the beef and beans, and not telling the family until it was time to eat - but every time, without fail, we had people from the neighborhood knocking down our door for tacos. And not just kids: couples, bachelors, entire families would come...
February 15, 2012
After years of playing in bands, sometimes with earplugs but often without, I had become used to regularly hearing sounds that I shouldn’t be. It started off as pure, high tones singing in one ear or the other; sometimes the frequency differed, but it was always a ghost sine wave coming out of nowhere and then returning there. Over the years, though, it started to change. It was subtle, and...
February 14, 2012
The wolves weren’t really welcomed to the neighborhood, but they had bought their house fair and square, and maintained their property pretty well, so most people didn’t bother complaining. A few of us began looking askance at them when our cats started to go missing, but we didn’t have any real evidence - it could just as easily have been raccoons or cars on the main drag nearby...
February 13, 2012
Sid never expected to find a job right out of art school, never mind one in the arts, but she ended up getting the first job she applied for, as lead painter for a company that restored old GI Joe action figures for resale. The figures were sold as New Old Stock or at least Near Mint Condition, so her work was top secret, if not outright illegal. But she made good money and didn’t talk about...
February 12, 2012
He never expected anyone to know who he was, or even to look at him twice, and so Paul went through life with a lack of self-awareness that anyone with a reputation or a Facebook page would have found completely mystifying if they had ever noticed it, which of course they didn’t. As unaware as he was of himself, the rest of us were orders of magnitude more so of him until the day finally...
February 11, 2012
You often hear the phrase “like a kick in the head” used to describe something surprising, shocking, and/or painful. However, I believe that the majority of people employing this phrase have never been kicked in the head. When you are sitting quietly and somebody kicks you in the head, it is a shock and a surprise. It’s painful too, but that comes later, after you see your hat on...
February 10, 2012
I only own books I am reading, or have read, but I am incapable of parting with them after reading them. As a result, my apartment is filling up with every book I’ve ever read. I ran out of shelf space years ago, and have been gradually replacing my furniture with stacks of books. The next to go is the sofa; I can’t wait to see how it feels to relax on hundreds of thousands of pages...
February 9, 2012
Robert was generally well liked by his fellow anchormen, but there was something about his interactions with them lately that worried him. When they all sat together in the Pink Room, where they passed the time when they weren’t On Air, everyone was chatty and genial, but there was a chilliness in the air that he couldn’t ignore. He found himself playing their conversations back in his...
February 8, 2012
I’m so happy right now. I’m in such a state of relaxed bliss that I almost don’t notice that the flow of blood to my arm has been cut off and it’s slowly falling asleep, if not dying outright. It feels so nice to lie here with my arm around her and her head on my shoulder, listening to the sound of her breath rolling in and out, like waves lapping softly on a sandy beach. I...
February 7, 2011
Although Arnold was a cat, he had been raised in a lizard petting zoo. He had spent his entire life in the company of lizards - and a couple of humans, of course - and never met another cat. As such, he certainly had no idea he was a cat, and given how much he loved lying in the sun and eating bugs, he assumed he was just a particularly exotic sort of lizard - not that the visitors to the zoo ever...
February 6, 2012
My parents had a friend who used to come over, Todd Fresno. (I never knew if that was his real name or if he just came from Fresno, but that’s what they called him.) He was nice enough, but I found him terrifying, mostly due to the fact that he had chewed off three fingertips on each hand on a three-day bender in Alaska. In fact, Todd is probably the reason I’ve never had a drink:...
February 5, 2012
It had been almost ten years since they’d spoken, but at long last contact was re-established and peace was made. They exchanged brief messages - appropriately apologetic and forgiving - and every once in a while would interact on each other’s statuses with wisecracks or nostalgic comments. Occasionally they managed to glean details about each other’s occupations, friends, and partners. They had...
February 4, 2012
Carl was certain the other kids respected him immensely. As well they should, he might have added if he was being honest: he was always forthright and honest with everyone - teachers included, or especially; he was very comfortable talking both with his peers and adults; his posture and diction were both excellent; and his fashion sense was leagues beyond his school chums - he was sure if Clark...
February 3, 2012
It’s such a quick thing, being stabbed, but in retrospect it seems so drawn out: first the initial pressure, like a friendly fingernail poke; then the poke intensifies, sharpens, and the added sensation of tearing skin is added, pop pop and then it’s muscle and cartilage and this part gets even slower, and you can remember the breaching of each layer as a discrete event, stepping...
February 2, 2012
As I walked down the street I could see people eyeing my crown, coveting it. The crown gleamed and sparkled; I could see it reflected in their wide, awestruck eyes. Of course I would never share my crown; there was no price that could make me part with it. But sometimes I would stop and ask “Is there something you want?” and when they invariably said “your crown” I would...
February 1, 2012
Something looked strange in our house. At first I thought you’d left all the lights on, but it wasn’t very bright, which didn’t make any sense. Then I looked more closely - and noticed the smell of paint - and understood that you had painted the walls and ceiling with a lighter shade in the exact area where the lamps cast their light, creating a strange artificial shadow effect....
January 31, 2012
The yacht was waiting for them. Not one of them could have said exactly how they knew, but when they arrived at the marina they all saw the yacht and knew it was meant for them. Later, some swore that the yacht had seen them first. It was well provisioned, and during the week they spent aboard they never ate the same meal twice. They did consume the same beverages many times over, however. They...
January 2012
31 posts
January 30, 2012
I didn’t consciously notice the lump on the back of my head until it was too large to deny - or to do anything about. If one of my friends had said something it might have forced me to take action, but I had long since trained them not to comment on my personal appearance, which was probably one reason I had no more friends.
I don’t know what’s going to happen next, but if the...
January 29, 2012
It’s hard to concentrate with you looking at me like that. It’s just kind of creepy, you know? And your breathing, I can hear the way you breathe and it’s weird and heavy and annoying. Well don’t look away from me now, then I’ll just be thinking about whatever you’re looking at, and waiting for you to start looking back at me again. It’s too late, just...
January 28, 2012
I told him and he told him and he told him and he told her and she had to pee, but then she told him and he told me and they looked to see how I would react, but I didn’t remember what I’d told him anymore, so I passed it on again: I told him and he told him and he told him and he told her and she told him and he went and grabbed his burrito from the microwave and came back and saw us...
January 27, 2012
We had a lot to say about Bob Dylan. Also The Police, and in particular Sting. While we were on the subject of singers who played the bass, opinions were shared on the subject of Paul McCartney. You might or might not be familiar with these individuals, but we have opinions on them, and it is important that they be heard. You might be surprised at some of our opinions regarding these personages,...
January 26, 2012
We always had the best Christmas display on the block - in our neighborhood, really; some folks even said in the whole town, but we tried not to be prideful about it. Every year I looked forward to it, and every year we topped the year before. Until dad died in mid-December with the whole house set up, blinking and shining like the second coming. We could never bring ourselves to take it down, and...
January 25, 2012
Ben didn’t remember having been this angry about anything in a long time - and this was nothing, a little misunderstanding, a few bucks, when he had friends who’d had their bank accounts hacked and hit and runs (hits and runs?) - this was nothing at all compared to that, but he had this tightness in his chest, and his heart was racing and he really couldn’t remember having been...
January 24, 2012
This was a big day for somebody. I spent most of the day at work - sent some e-mails, watched some amusing videos and such. After work I got a beer, or went home and ate spaghetti, or I bought some beers and brought them home and drank them while I ate spaghetti. It was basically an average, forgettable day for me, but I like to imagine how for somebody it was a big day. Maybe they got in a fight,...
January 23, 2011
There never were dragons; of that we can be fairly certain. No, forget ‘fairly’; we are certain. After decades of study, millions of pages read, tons of earth moved, and tens of thousands of miles traveled, I can finally say this with certainty: There have been many fantastical, impressive, and unexplained beasts and many confused, terrified, and delusional people, but never has a...
January 22, 2012
There came a time when every song that could be written had been written. There were still singers and those who called themselves writers, but everyone who tried to write a new song, no matter how much time or effort they put into it, ended up writing the same song. We called it The Last Song, and though we did not love it, we had heard it many times and knew it by heart. The Last Song was the...
January 21, 2012
Our neighbor was odd. He was independently wealthy (rumor had it he had invented the Chip Clip) and generally reclusive - he never seemed to have guests over, and hardly ever left his house - but from on occasion he would grab one of us on our way to the mailbox or whatever and talk our ear off about politics or TV or animal welfare (rumor also had it that he had a lot of animals in his back...
January 20, 2011
I can’t feel my toes. They told me these boots would require some adjustment, that there would be a “breaking in period” (though now that I think of it they never said what it was that would be broken in, the boots or my toes), but it’s been a long time - it feels like a long time, anyway - and the only thing that’s changed is that where my toes used to be in...
January 19, 2012
I’ve had this awful feeling all day. Last week I told someone that I was busy tonight, and now the day has arrived and for the life of me I can’t remember what I thought I was busy with. Was I meeting someone? Going somewhere?maybe trying some new activity, like swing dancing? Perhaps there was some influential person I’d been trying to meet with for months, and I finally got a...
January 18, 2012
I wrote our story on a grain of rice, and then I lost it. It took four years to learn how to write on a grain of rice. I wrote the story in six months. I then realized I couldn’t yet write small enough to fit the story on a grain of rice, so I studied for another five years before I could do it. The actual inscription took a mere three months; I guess I should have known not to work near an...
January 17, 2012
The children came in large pine chests, packed in ice and wood shavings. We’d never seen children before, certainly never had them in our house. It appeared there might once have been some instructions pasted to the chests, but they must have been lost, scraped off in transit. After several days they thawed out completely and started moving around the house on their own. We didn’t know...
January 16, 2012
No matter how hard he racked his brain, how many diaries he read, photos he pored over, friends and family members he interviewed, or old videotapes he watched, Bill could never manage to piece together exactly how he’d gotten where he was, become the person he had. Everybody he knew seemed to have this arc, this trajectory to their lives - if not a grand narrative then some kind of cohesive...
January 15, 2012
There was a stranger in my house again this morning. I could smell him when I woke up: starchy and minty and slightly greasy, like a truckstop bathroom. I lay as motionless as I could and strained my ears, hoping and fearing that I might pick up some sign of this olfactory intruder. I held my breath and flared my nostrils and pictured him in my mind, tall and leathery, shifty and rough and did I...
January 14, 2012
I’ve built myself an army out of snow: thousands of fearsome she-beasts, armed to the teeth, ready to defend me to the death. I know what you’re thinking: what’s to stop you from smashing them apart, or melting them with torches or a large reflector, or waiting for the sun to melt them, or simply walking around them? I’ll be honest: nothing. Nothing at all. I am, when you...
January 13, 2012
It’s rare to remember what you were doing exactly one year ago. I mean exactly one year ago: 365 days, zero hours, zero minutes, and zero seconds ago, at this precise moment. Do you remember? Unless someone was being born or dying in front of (or because of) you, odds are you do not. But I remember right now, and I would remember at almost any moment you asked me. And of course along with...
January 12, 2012
Driving is a strange job. I go to the same place every day - my car - and my immediate surroundings don’t change at all, but physically, geographically, I’m constantly moving, never in one location for long, and never in the same place on different days. I sit in the same seat all day, barely moving a muscle, yet hurtling through space at unnatural speeds; when I have to walk it feels...
January 11, 2012
The police seem to be cool with me.
We’ve had a number of interactions over the years, and though their attitude towards me has been erratic - anywhere from nodding and smiling to holding me down on the hood of my car and kicking my legs apart - I would say the overall vibe has been a “Hey man, you do your thing and we’ll do ours” sort of deal, like they say about wildlife....
January 10, 2012
It wasn’t easy. It required patience, persistence, brute strength, several different wrenches, a hacksaw, and a hammer. Many harsh words were spoken, and a few were invented on the spot that might well disturb little children for generations. The police were called, and negotiated with, and eventually dismissed. Many dishes were broken, and cats - as well as neighbors - were terrified. There...
January 9, 2012
What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without talking to someone? I don’t remember the last time I spoke to anybody. Sometimes when I see my neighbors outside I start to walk in their direction, or I clear my throat or something, but either I chicken out and bend down to tie my shoes or they run inside in a hurry. I guess I talk to my cats sometimes just to make sure my voice works, but...