There never were dragons; of that we can be fairly certain. No, forget ‘fairly’; we are certain. After decades of study, millions of pages read, tons of earth moved, and tens of thousands of miles traveled, I can finally say this with certainty: There have been many fantastical, impressive, and unexplained beasts and many confused, terrified, and delusional people, but never has a single dragon roamed the earth. But when I am faced with the bright, wide-open eyes of a small child in the thrall of a Chinese restaurant horoscope, I will deny it to the ends of the earth.